Nobody likes homework, whether it’s a five year old boy or a university student. More hours are spent thinking of convincing excuses for not completing assignments than those spent in actually trying to complete it. Thinking of excuses is then more exhausting than putting brains to work for the assignment when reasons like ’My dog ate my homework’ lose their credibility due to overuse. These reasons have evolved over the years to gain professors’ confidence and here is a list of ten new ones given by students for not doing their assignments!
1. Divide and Rule
When professors can exceedingly appreciate some students making other students go green with jealousy to urge them to perform better then how can students refrain from giving professors a taste of their own medicine? Forgot to do your homework? No problem! Rub your eyes till they go red and then tell your professor you were up all night doing heaps of work given by some other professor who just got tenure. All jealousy for him and all sympathies for you!
2. The innocent inattentive ones
Well, this one works almost every time if you possess serious acting skills and a very strong ability to stop yourself from giggling. When the professor asks you to hand out your assignment look at him wide-eyed and open your mouth wide till a ping pong ball can easily fit in and appear completely clueless as if he is speaking in Arabic. What? When was it given? Was it due today? An Oscar for you if you pass!
3. The busy ones
International students have an edge here over native students. They have enough tiresome chores in addition to completing assignments – laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and what not. Recite a long list of household chores you have on your back till a good amount of the entire class’ time is wasted and the poor professor has no option but to show some mercy on you. A puppy face and teary eyes can work in your favour here if you have not done your homework.
4. The naïve victims
This is probably one of the most common excuses used by ones with honest faces and sinful minds. Every class has its own share of sincere and cunning students. Act like a sincere one, even if it is for one class, when you forget to complete your assignment in time and blame an imaginary thief, conveniently hiding among the other students, for stealing your ingenious assignment. Let your innocent faces save you and let those crocodile tears fall and wipe away your worries!
5. Lack of resources
The lack of interest in completing assignments is most often transformed into lack of resources available for the successful completion of assignments to be saved from a thrashing. I could have consulted the book but I had lent it to a friend. I could have used the internet but I had problems connecting to it. Hell, I could have asked a classmate for help but he refused. I could have paid more attention in class but I was snoozing. Oh no, don’t use the last one.
6. The deceitful diseased
This is probably the oldest and most widely used fake excuse of them all. And it works more often than not because a professor is a professor and not a doctor. Thankfully for our wonderful human anatomy there are a lot of illnesses which can excuse you for not completing your assignments at home and still justify your healthy presence in the classroom. Well, I had Mexican food yesterday and I could not possibly take my assignment to the place where I spent the entire day emptying my bowels. Add a few gross details and the professor would not probe you any further. For all its worth, spicy Mexican food troubles a professor as much as a student. Note: Medical students must not try and act too smart here.
7. The mournful ones
This is one of those rare excuses which save you from not one but many missed assignments. Though callous, it is a foolproof excuse that not only saves you from a punishment but also earns you sympathies for days. Is your grandma always pestering you for coming home late or not being respectful enough? Or is she always asking you to find her spectacles or dentures? Tell your professor she fell very sick and hence you were so very distressed and out of sorts. Don’t say she died if you love her despite her tantrums and to fall back on her ill health should you fail to turn in your assignments on time in future.
8. The Array
Sometimes one excuse is simply not good enough. And thus, an array of excuses is necessary to escape the critical situation. Well, Sir, I did complete it. But then I forgot it in the car. And when I went back to fetch it I realized I had parked it on the wrong side and it had been towed. Then, I did not have enough money to pay the fine because someone stole my wallet on the subway. And then I had to walk twenty blocks to reach college. Boggle the professor to the point where he regrets giving you any homework.
9. The Act
For students who don’t have a way with words, this act saves one from punishment and the resulting embarrassment for missing assignments. Breathe heavily, roll your eyes and collapse on the floor moments before the professor approaches you. Do not forget to roll your tongue to stop yourself from laughing at your own pitiful acting.
10. The Blame Game
Some students have a great chance of being disowned if their families learn the blames they put on the family for not completing assignments. These clever minds dance and drink all night long at a cousin’s wedding and then blame the family members for being too noisy and interrupting when the time comes to turn the assignments in. They spend time with their friends completely oblivious to their workload and then blame their siblings for being too wicked to let them study in peace.
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