Just like every class has motley of students, every college has an even broader variety of professors. From fiercely professional to slightly eccentric and from furiously strict to easygoing, every college has its own share of professors having some unique characteristics. While professors brand students as meticulous, mischievous, inattentive and completely devilish on the basis of their general behaviour, the students too, secretly, have a nickname for every professor which is said out loud only in closed circles. Let’s bring a few out in the open!
1. The Curious
These are the ones that fool you with a friendly smile while their minds are brimming with deceit. They will appear to be your friend but do so only to lure you into their traps. Their curiosity may seem genuine in the beginning but it’s only a facade. The moment they spot you muffling giggles, you will be summoned to the front of the class and asked to share the joke so the entire class can have a light moment. While you stare at your feet wondering how to get out of this trickery they will pester you till you are thoroughly embarrassed and they are utterly satisfied. ‘Oh, I am sure the class too wants to hear the joke that was so funny and important that it had to be shared in the middle of my lecture!’ Busted!
2. The Intimate
The specimens of this species can be overly friendly till they make their subject highly uncomfortable. They want to know everything! They will conveniently seat themselves on the edge of your desk with one leg dangling in mid-air and bombard you with a plethora of questions. How did you spend your weekend? Have you asked her out yet? Do you prefer soccer over basketball? Did you try that new restaurant? What are your plans for Christmas? Students wish there were extra marks for answering the nosy professor’s questions patiently without accidentally, I repeat accidentally, toppling him off the desk.
3. The Indifferent
For them, the humans occupying the classroom are no different than the furniture in the very same classroom. They are the most generous ones who let you snooze during a lecture while they are either busy filling the blackboard or browsing the slides of a presentation. They are at a complete peace with their own self and dutifully deliver the lecture without expecting the students to listen to them or to ask questions or to simply stay awake. You can sleep, gossip, play, kiss and even kill in their class and you would not be noticed let alone forgiven for your undisciplined behaviour.
4. The Deafening
These gifted ones are born with an amplifier fitted in their voice boxes. They do not need speakers even in a lecture theatre with a capacity to seat hundreds of students. At the very same time, they also have the capability to deafen students in much smaller classrooms. Their passion for the subject comes straight out of their throats and numbs the ears it falls upon. Various props are brought to class to cover ears during the lecture and close proximity of such professors is deeply feared for those who wish to retain their ability to hear properly. Loud ringing in the eardrums is often experienced after such lectures.
5. The Procrastinator
While most professors and parents blame students to be suffering from the disease of procrastination, there are some professors who suffer from the same ailment. They showcase themselves to be geniuses in their own subject but welcome questions with closed arms. Unlike the normal professors, they never doubt their own credibility and are actually glad when no hands are raised at the end of a lecture. However, on their unlucky days, when they are confronted with a question and are unable to wave them off in interest of time, they promise to answer it the next day and as well know, tomorrow never comes!
6. The Sarcastic
Sarcasm in a professor can lead to overly embarrassing situations. They never mean what they say and they make sure everybody in the class knows that. They will insult you and they will do it in front of your class. Sarcasm and sheer cruelty leave no space for mercy whatsoever. They will call you a genius and make the class applaud for you when you fail a test. They will ask you to solve a tough math problem on the board even when your face is oozing dumbness and they will pat your back when you fail to do so. They will ask you to share your wisdom with the entire class when they spot you chit chatting because obviously you are smarter than them for you felt the need to ignore their teachings and indulge in private discussions. They are the meanest personifications of Satan himself.
7. The Killers
God could not give these professors claws and fangs and thus he blessed them with laser sharp looks that can virtually kill. They have hidden eyes all around their head and can catch you texting in the middle of the class even when you find yourself safe behind their backs. Everybody wonders how they do it but they never reveal how they found or achieved that extraordinary gift. They will stare at you till the entire class turns their heads to stare at you. Without blinking, they will keep staring at you until you wish you could somehow dissolve in the air or melt and evaporate. No words are said, just some serious stare fight.
8. The Coolest
Not all professors are bad. These are the ones who are students’ ultimate favourite. These are the extremely rare ones who have found a balance and are neither overly strict nor overly lenient, neither overly friendly nor overly curious, neither boring nor loquacious. They are the ones who give poorly hidden and well intended hints as to which topics are important and stand a good chance of appearing on the question papers. Generally attracting envy of fellow professors for their popularity, they are undoubtedly a star for the students.